I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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