we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
