Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
