is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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