I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize