I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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