help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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