Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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