You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize