He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
