everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
