Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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