and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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