think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
