that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
