Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
