You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize