Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
