i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
