i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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