so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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