oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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