Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
