oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
