i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize