Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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