I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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