fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you win again, gameday.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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