I'm drive I can fine osifer
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize