Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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