Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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