she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
