it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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