Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
