you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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