she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
