PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
