Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
