Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
