Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
