She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
