At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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