It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
