I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just pee around me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
