Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
