first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize