Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is Oprah even human
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
