the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
