My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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