Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
