Me too!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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