you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
