It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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