I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
