Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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