I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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