Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
