My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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