Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
