One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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