He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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