Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i already hear my dad disowning me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
