Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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