You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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