sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
