Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize