I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize