I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
