You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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