take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
