I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
