my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
