I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize