there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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