so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
