Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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