I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think my moral compass just broke
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