Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
