Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
