you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
