So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
