Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
