whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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