Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
