my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
