paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
