Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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