Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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