...so i touched it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
