come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize