are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
