so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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