Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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