On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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