I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
