she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
