Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
