Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize