please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
