found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
