Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize