i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
