just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
