What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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