i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
