girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
