can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
